Asking for a Friend: I’m queer, getting older, and worried I’ll have to go back in the closet for long-term care. What can I do now?
Let's talk about something that doesn't get discussed nearly enough: what happens when you need care later in life as a queer person. For many LGBTQIA+ elders, there's a real fear of having to go back into the closet just to receive safe, dignified care.
This fear isn't unfounded. According to the nonprofit SAGE, LGBTQIA+ elders are twice as likely to be single and live alone, and four times less likely to have children who might provide care.
Discrimination in elder care settings remains a reality, and many systems still assume everyone's family is a neat little nuclear unit - leaving chosen family out of the conversation entirely.
The good news? You do have options, and there are ways to start shaping your future care today.
Give chosen family legal standing
If you have close friends, unmarried partners, or other chosen family members who might advocate for you, make sure you have powers of attorney, healthcare directives, and other documents in place. This way, the people who know and love you best can step in when needed.
Find LGBTQ-affirming care options
There are LGBTQ-affirming senior communities, assisted living facilities, co-housing, and care agencies out there. Some major cities have entire communities built for queer elders. It’s worth starting that research now, even if you’re not planning to move anytime soon, so you know what’s out there.
Build your care community now
Money is one part of the equation, but the real foundation to feeling loved and cared for is relationships. Start conversations with friends, partners, and community members about what care might look like.
The nonprofit SAGE has a virtual online community, resources, and a nationwide list of partner organizations. Depending on where you live, there may be volunteer programs specifically for elder LGBTQIA+ elders, like Santa Clara County’s Thriving Together program, which connects volunteers with LGBTQIA+ older adults for companionship and practical support.
Expand your choices through planning
Long-term care insurance covers expenses that regular health insurance and Medicare won't; things like nursing homes, assisted living, or in-home care that can cost upwards of $100k per year.
These days, most policies are "hybrid" products that attach as a rider to life insurance, which means if you never use the long-term care benefit, your beneficiaries still get a death benefit.
Timing and cost vary a lot depending on your health and age, so there's no one-size-fits-all answer for when or if to buy. For queer and trans folks, long-term care coverage can create more options for where you receive care, and the resources to find affirming, dignity-preserving support.
Bottom Line
One of the biggest gifts of financial planning is options. The more you plan now around housing, healthcare, and long-term care, the more freedom you’ll have to choose affirming, safe spaces later. Because none of us should have to go back in the closet to get the care we deserve.
Have questions?
Wondering about something money-related and wish someone else would ask it first?
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Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes only and doesn't constitute financial advice. Consider consulting with a fee-only financial planner for personalized guidance.
