Planning for Parenthood: A Financial Primer for LGBTQIA+ Families

Family building can be joyful, complex, expensive, and, especially for LGBTQIA+ folks, full of invisible hurdles. Whether you're dreaming of becoming a parent soon or just planting seeds for the future, this guide will walk you through the key financial, legal, and logistical considerations to help you make a plan that works for your values, your timeline, and your budget.

There is no one "right way" to create a family. Whether you're queer, trans, solo by choice, or building a family with a partner (or partners), this is for you.

Paths to Parenthood: Options and Ballpark Costs

Costs vary widely depending on where you live, what kind of support you have, and whether you use insurance. Below are rough estimates to help you plan.

Sperm Donor Insemination

• At-home intracervical insemination (ICI) with known donor: ~$300–$1,000 per cycle (legal fees, supplies, STI testing)

• In-clinic intrauterine insemination (IUI) in clinic with anonymous donor sperm: ~$1,000–$5,000 per cycle (not including donor sperm)

• Donor sperm: ~$800–$1,500 per vial + shipping; most people purchase 2–3 vials per cycle

IVF

• Traditional IVF: ~$15,000–$30,000 per cycle (may require multiple cycles)

• Reciprocal IVF (one partner provides eggs, the other carries): ~$20,000–$35,000

• Additional meds: $3,000–$7,000 per cycle, not always included in package pricing

Surrogacy

• Gestational surrogacy (U.S.): $100,000–$200,000+

  • Includes agency fees, legal, IVF, surrogate compensation, insurance

Adoption

• Foster-to-adopt: Often free or low-cost; may include state assistance

• Private domestic adoption: $20,000–$50,000

• International adoption: $25,000–$60,000+

Other paths

• Co-parenting arrangements (with friends or known donors): Legal fees + counseling ($2,000–$10,000)

• Solo parenting: All of the above + single-income planning and support costs

Medical & Legal Costs to Expect

• Fertility testing and procedures (may or may not be covered)

• Sperm and egg donor fees (plus storage, shipping, and legal contracts)

• Legal contracts for known donors or surrogacy: ~$1,000–$5,000

• Second-parent or step-parent adoption: ~$2,000–$5,000 (may require home study)

• Court filing and attorney fees: Varies by state; check local LGBTQIA+ legal resources

• Birth-related costs: Prenatal care, labor and delivery if uninsured or under-insured

Insurance & Employer Benefits

• Health insurance: Does your plan cover fertility treatments or require a diagnosis of infertility, which is typically defined as a heterosexual couple’s inability to conceive after 12 months of trying?

  • In California, SB 729 (effective January 1, 2026) will move away from this traditional definition of infertility and ensure non-discrimination for LGBTQIA+ individuals and those who are solo seeking fertility care. If you’re in California and curious what the new fertility treatment law might cover, I’ve got a plain-language summary for you right here.

• Fertility benefit providers: Some employers partner with these specialized companies to offer supplemental benefits like coverage or reimbursement of IVF, IUI, donor gametes, surrogacy, and adoption. Fertility benefit providers do not require a traditional infertility diagnosis, making them more inclusive of queer families.

• Flexible Spending Accounts (FSAs) and HSAs: Some expenses (like sperm, IVF medications) may qualify, but typically requires a diagnosis of infertility, which can be challenging to obtain for partnerships where conception is not possible without medical assistance.

• Paid leave: Not all LGBTQIA+ parents qualify equally; read the fine print on who is considered a "primary caregiver."

• Adding a child to your policy: Make sure you're ready to enroll your baby or adopted child right away.

Legal Protections for LGBTQIA+ Families

• Marriage helps, but isn’t always enough - make sure to consult with an attorney familiar with the laws of your state.

• Second-parent adoption: Strongest protection for non-biological parents, even if married

• Parentage orders: May be available pre-birth in surrogacy or reciprocal IVF situations

• Wills and guardianship documents: Protect your child if something happens to you

• Power of attorney and healthcare proxy: Especially important in states that may not recognize both parents

Planning Ahead: Financial Tips

• Start a "family fund": Treat it like any big life goal

• Track expenses: Especially medical, travel, and legal fees (some may be deductible)

• Plan for time off: Consider unpaid leave or saving ahead if employer policies are lacking

• Review or update life and disability insurance: Protect your child and co-parents

• Work with a planner who gets it: LGBTQIA+ family planning is not one-size-fits-all

Emotional + Relational Support

• Queer and trans family building can feel isolating

• Find affirming providers, online communities, and local support groups

• Therapy and family coaching can be helpful in navigating complex feelings or family dynamics

• Remember: This is deeply personal. Eager grandparents aside, you don’t owe anyone a traditional timeline or method.

Find Resources

• Legal support: National Center for Lesbian Rights, GLAD, and Family Equality

• Medical: LGBTQIA+ affirming fertility clinics, Resolve.org, Center for Reproductive Rights

• Community: Queer parenting resource and advocacy groups, which can be local or online like Rainbow Families and Family Equality.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to figure this all out at once. Family planning for queer folx is often a marathon, not a sprint.

Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only and doesn’t constitute financial advice. For personalized guidance, consider working with a fee-only financial planner.